I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
