it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
