Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
