I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
How does it feel to date your dad?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
