shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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