Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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