i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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