I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
