did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize