i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
