I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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