im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
