he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
