Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He did a backflip because drugs
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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