My first STD was from a foam party
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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