nut hugger
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
