Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
