There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
