I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
