note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
