I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
