Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
