Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
