All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
