just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
