When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
