don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
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