Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
you told grandpa to call you daddy
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
