Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
