Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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