I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
