I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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