I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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