Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
