everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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