the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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