Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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