Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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