anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
