Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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