Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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