Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
