do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
