is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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