Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
