Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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