I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
