I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
