So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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