Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
