Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
